Motherhood was not something that came easy for me, while I loved Rivers
from the second I saw him it was awhile before I felt like this heavy
fog had lifted and I was able to see my role as a Mother for what it
was. As a new mom I watched so many mothers around me enjoy motherhood,
everyday was a joy and blessing to them and I began to question why I
wasn't feeling the same.
I dreaded the mornings when David would have to leave us for work, my
days were difficult and long, I thought this selfless love and service
was suppose to come easy and I felt guilty for not loving it the same,
guilty I was blessed with this beautiful baby and not enjoying as I
should. Looking back now I can see it for what it was, hindsight is
always easier. I was under a fog and it took much longer than I thought
to come out of. At almost 10 months since I had Rivers did I finally
start to feel like myself.
So this day in May 2014 is extra special to me, this Mothers Day I am
now able to see my role as a Mother for what it really is. It is not a
burden but a gift, everyday that I have to be a mother to this sweet
baby boy is a blessing. I am trying to be more grateful for the long
days we have together, for the opportunities I have to see him
experience things for the first time and for the moments of snuggles and
laughter we share. While I struggle with it and am still learning and
coming into my own as a mother I've come to realize that this life is
made up of moments of joy. Not every second can be blissful and picture
perfect and it's through those eyes that I am understanding Motherhood
maybe a tiny bit more.